Most people don't realize how far from love their upbringing truly was.
Most people don't know they need inner child healing.
All they see is the byproduct of their childhood experience in their present life:
Challenging/tumultuous relationships
Disease in their bodies
Emotional struggles (depression, anxiety, worry, fear etc)
Difficultly with self expression
Lack of confidence
Lack of nurturing from self and others
Heart blocks/numbness
Lack of self trust
Indecision/Freeze Response
Addiction
People pleasing
Burning the candle at both ends
And because they don't know all of this is a byproduct of a lack of love or care, they think they are broken and try to "fix" themselves. Which only compounds the problem.
This is what I often hear when I'm working with clients who are in need of inner child healing:
"My parents were wonderful."
"My parents did their best."
"My parents didn't do anything wrong, I'm just messed up."
"My parents neglected me/did things that wounded me, but it's not their fault, they were wounded too."
In an attempt for this article to be less than a novel, I would like to share just a few keys that changed my life.
#1. Just because your parents did their best, does not mean they met your needs. You can acknowledge they did their best, but in the process, do not gaslight yourself and pretend not having your needs met wasn't as damaging as it was. #2. Our modern society is clueless when it comes to raising humans. Modern Society says "Raise them to be good and obedient in society." Indigenous people, instead, look at the human and KNOW what is needed to raise them, and love them so they as HUMANS can be fully nourished, whole and happy.
There's a soul stirring book by Russel Means called If You've Forgotten The Names Of The Clouds You've Lost Your Way.
This tiny book explains what it is to be human, and what we require to feel whole & happy. And in doing so, it highlights what we miss in our modern society, and how we have stopped nourishing the human soul in ourselves and our children. That's why... well intended parents often miss the mark and raise children who will spend their lives struggling with the consequences of a lack of holistic nourishment. #3 There is a process to letting go of wounds. Anger is part of this process, a big part, if we feel angry already we must understand angers message and let flow and eventually release. If we cannot feel our anger, of the neglect or abuse we experienced - we must access that sacred anger and let it flow. In the safe container of healin sessions. Your anger is sacred when you use it in a sacred way. 4. You will not know what 'traumatized' or wounded you in your childhood until you're willing to feel your anger and honor your needs. Stop gaslighting yourself by saying "Oh but I'm ok." Maybe you're not. Maybe you needed more hugs, more encouragement, more stability, more compassion, more peace, more clarity, more reassurance, more SPACE to be you. And maybe it's time to stop telling your inner child to suck it up and deal with not getting all their needs met- maybe it's time to be Your Inner Childs Hero! After all, you are the adult now, you can rescue them and give them everything they ever needed. What would change for you, if your inner child was healed like that?
There is a reason for the chronic and repeating issues you experience. And the reason is not that you're broken or messed up. It's because your needs weren't met, and you're doing what was demonstrated to you by your own parents and holding back on meeting your own needs fully.
It's time to get to the bottom of things, and nourish yourself in the ways you were lacking and heal the pattern for good. Raise Yourself With ALL The Love.
Because there's nothing to fix, but so much to love.
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