I have heard it chimed many times in my office "Oh it's just never enough for her." or "He's never satisfied no matter what I do." And as true as that may be in some cases ... often, statements like these are a symptom of a relationship where 2 people don't really know one another - though they may swear they do. When we don't communicate exceptionally well (and I would say 90% of couples don't) we hurt each other through misunderstanding. You may think you know your partner, but how well do you know them really? How deeply have you immersed yourself in understanding their mental, emotional, physical and spiritual self? And do you know them, or have you just been holding an idea of who they are based off of your interactions with them? Oddly enough, with couples, the latter is more often the case.
"Oh, he's like this." "Oh, she would never do that." "Oh, she doesn't want that." "Oh, he wouldn't be willing to try that." "She's not adventurous." "He doesn't enjoy socializing." And yet, if the relationship ends, it's not uncommon for the person who "Would never travel to Europe." to do just that. Because they are free of the identity their mate was holding them to. The blanket statements that we use to 'innocently' describe our partners based on our individual experience with them, actually box them in to a limited category that hurts us and them, and thus negatively impacts the relationship as a whole...massively. No one likes to be put in a box or judged. Better we should approach our interactions with our partner fresh each day, holding space for something new and exciting to unfold with the dawn of every new day. So what does this have to do with healing a relationship where it just feels like it's "Never Enough". Well, everything. If you try to please your partner from a place of not knowing them deeply and not holding space for them to grow in to a better version of themselves everyday then you will truly feel like it's never enough and so will they. Regardless of both of your efforts.
It's not that it's not enough. It's that it's just not enough of the right stuff.
Imagine mixing ingredients for a pie crust. If you use a lot of one ingredient and not enough of another ingredient that the pie mixture needs to be the right consistency for baking, then eventually you'll just keep adding and adding until the batter is useless. (Think too much water, too much flour, too much salt) But if you carefully consider the mixture, read the recipe and use your senses you can bring the batter to a rather pleasing consistency and you'll reap the rewards of the next steps in the baking process and with just a little time and effort there is a delicious pie/happy relationship for you to savor one delicious, warm, gooey bite at time. So what is it that the batter of your relationship is really calling for?
More play? More alone time? More talking? Less talking? More sex? More intimacy? Less sex? More respect? More seriousness? Less seriousness? More gifts? Fewer gifts? More touch? Less touch? More attention? Less attention? More recognition? For example, if your partner wants more intimacy, what does that look like to them? Until definition is given, words like intimacy, love, respect and attention ... are just words. What do you need, and what does your partner need? Go over the ingredients of your relationship together. Playfully make the best adjustments. Be partners. Create something beautiful and delicious. Want more insights to bring clarity in to your life? Discover the Stay Lifted Life Here for that and so, so much more.